LoSt...

Feeling blue, feeling lonely...

I open my eyes hoping this day to be exciting and happy...

I found myself alone at home having nothing to do, waiting to talk to you, waiting to find some joy in hearing your voice and remembering that you're still there.

Everything seems great, you tell me what you've been up to and I feel so happy for you.

It's my turn to tell you my recently created fantasies, dreams, worries and stories. I so wanted to share them with you, I would love it if you were also excited to listen to them.

Suddenly I found that damn empty mirror in front of me and I realize the miles of distance between us and how lonely I feel every time I talk to you, you could be right next to me and I'd still be feeling lonely.

What for me seems amazing about life, for you is just a bunch of trivial things that could be turned into a joke in any moment. I so need to feel real, to feel like my life is real and unfortunatedly I would need you to actually care, but your not taking things seriously just makes me feel completely alone and unreal.

I shouldn't wonder why silence invades the room every time we are together, when I feel my life is nothing but a series of unreal events to you. I can't help feeling further and further away from you. I feel like I'm closing doors to you again, but I can't help it when I start feeling like I need to protect myself from you again. If you want to be in my world, you need to believe in it first. And the problem is I really don't think you will ever open your heart to it. You said you didn't want to be in a war against me, but paradoxically, silence, evasion and distance have placed us in the battlefield we were running away from.